Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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