you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
