I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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