it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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