She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
