i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
