Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
