Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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