I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
