ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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