Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
