We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
