What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
