so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I want to fling myself into the sun
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
