Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Randomize
