yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
