I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so let's talk penis.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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