That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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