Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
