words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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