Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
