So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
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