I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
