dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
