Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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