there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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