I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
