I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
