for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
