I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
