Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i came on her dog
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just found a bag of teeth...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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