I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
