Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
