i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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