i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
