you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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