i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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