i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
