dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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