I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
