Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
