I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
