people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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