Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
