White coat. Heels.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
