last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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