I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
