this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
