Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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