Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
