This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
