This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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