I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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