So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
